the minds eye does not always win over the the hearts thoughts. the instinct to kill with ones own hands does not always form from the heart that wishs to kill but from a mind wishing to understand that the fillings it holds is not in its control. i wish i could! but my mind and heart will not allow such a thing for it would make a lesser person of me. with a katana in one hand and my heart in the other they fight to tell me its wrong yet they conflict if it is right! in ways i think i am going to break! but i shall not allow it to be as such. the words i speak in my head are slowly seeping in and i cant stop them. i want to break so bad...... it hurts that i cant. i wish.... i could break down and let it all out. i dont truely belong here. a time where justic was a sword and sheath is the time i belong. i want it so bad. i wish i could break.