It is my quiet wish for an undead silence
That has brought me upon my knees.
I plead honestly with you
For a righteous liberation from myself,
From all the thought and emotion that
Trickles like potions from my brain to my mind.
I beg to be released from despair
At what I cannot control,
And grief at what I could have changed.
I scream for courage to speak words I want to convey
But cannot for they are ignorant
To both the common mind
And the busy, intellectual ear.
I beg for the bravery to cure what
Vapor poisons I have breathed in my moments
Of heartlessness and want for revenge,
And I can only wonder whether or not
I really care about forgiving a nemesis.
(Should I, me?)
All the death and pain that should not concern me
Manifests my very soul
Until what I fear I create,
And I rock slowly, mentally, to ease my aching.
Would it kill you to NOT kill me slowly?
What good are they,
These relieving, venomous tears of sage?
My frontal lobe is so very numb from
The animal wheel it is forever engaged,
One run-time softly blending into another and another,
Until I am left with a flaming, (yet strangely cool),
Shell that appears to be my skull.
I portray a picture of mental (un)health
With the rages I cannot deny
Because though they hurt others,
They soothe me,
Until I am exhausted by anger and stricken with guilt.
And I am further diseased.
You have me, (you), for a lifetime.
All I ask is for one innocent night,
Free from burdens I create,
From anger and guilt I use to rejuvenate,
From love and hate I envy in others,
From the hoarseness that is my own voice.
Let me stop loving music so I’ll stop obsessing it,
And blanket my eyes so I can just sleep,
For one, single starry night.
I listen and envision, a deadly detriment
That drives me Disturbed.
I AM stronger than all my weaknesses, I tell you!
But they do hurt and terrorize me so unpleasantly,
I will wonder about God and worship and things another mortal day.
For now, it is to ME that I pray,
And I pray you answer an ataraxic prayer.