Well I have to say things work out in strange ways, as I clicked onto see the new video of INSIDE THE FIRE David was talking about suicide and how he was affected by it a number of years ago, I have to say I never thought anyone I knew would surcome to suicide until April 9th 2003 when a good friend of mine killed himself pretty much the same way as the female character of the video, it kinda set me back to the time I got the phone call of his death and I started crying, this is why this year I have decided to do something about it and try to contribute to prevention of it.

could it be that i wish you were gone
could it be that i dont care anymore
could it be that my desire for you is gone now
could it be that i dont want to be here anymore
could it be that i dont want to help anymore
could it be that i just want to dissapier
could it be that i just want the world to end
could it be that i have no more strenght for you
could it be that you have taken all from me
could it be that you dont deserve it
could it be that i am waisting away in my own disease

A disease that i myself have created or one that you have placed upon my heart for me to consume so that it may consume me

could it be that you are that disease
could it be that you are trying to abuse me
could it be that you are not even there
could it be that i am just dreaming
could it be that i am just a part of your dream
could it be that i am just using you to find me

as snow falls

everything freezes

frozen away from all

everything stops

but can still move

how to thaw the ice

wraped around the world

wraped around the heart

blood slows down

as snow piles on

the warmth leaving

how to gain it back

find that one thing

to melt the snow

free the heart

love is it

love can thaw

bring back the warmth

let the blood flow

free one more time

the love that froze

let it consume

melt the ice once again

the minds eye does not always win over the the hearts thoughts. the instinct to kill with ones own hands does not always form from the heart that wishs to kill but from a mind wishing to understand that the fillings it holds is not in its control. i wish i could! but my mind and heart will not allow such a thing for it would make a lesser person of me. with a katana in one hand and my heart in the other they fight to tell me its wrong yet they conflict if it is right! in ways i think i am going to break! but i shall not allow it to be as such. the words i speak in my head are slowly seeping in and i cant stop them. i want to break so bad...... it hurts that i cant. i wish.... i could break down and let it all out. i dont truely belong here. a time where justic was a sword and sheath is the time i belong. i want it so bad. i wish i could break.