the minds eye does not always win over the the hearts thoughts. the instinct to kill with ones own hands does not always form from the heart that wishs to kill but from a mind wishing to understand that the fillings it holds is not in its control. i wish i could! but my mind and heart will not allow such a thing for it would make a lesser person of me. with a katana in one hand and my heart in the other they fight to tell me its wrong yet they conflict if it is right! in ways i think i am going to break! but i shall not allow it to be as such. the words i speak in my head are slowly seeping in and i cant stop them. i want to break so bad...... it hurts that i cant. i wish.... i could break down and let it all out. i dont truely belong here. a time where justic was a sword and sheath is the time i belong. i want it so bad. i wish i could break.

Do not worry for the time to call your own is now
A time to draw out all things that make you alive
Show the proof that you once belonged
Here with peaked emotions that you control with thought
To rise with the pheonix
From the ashes of a past life remained locked away
We rise to heights where we wish to fly in our minds eye
In the ashes that we forgot what was there
Starting to find the past in the ash we remember now
We shead tears and watch it turn to mud in our hands
With it now mold a way to make a new future from our past
With it now show yourself that you make who you are

I never had the childhood ive wanted my entire life. Its been taken away from me. My life was nothing I had wanted it to become..until I was 11 years old. I wish I could remember good things about my childhood though. The past tends to haunt my mind and these memories I have stuck into my head. I dont know what to do with myself. Im hapy right now..but Ive contemplated so many thngs..ive even tried things i wll never do again. Ive tried to commit suicide..but it didnt work for me. If its not supposed to work for me then do I have a purpose in being on this earth? what is my purpose??..I never knew..until I met te love of my life..He has changed me for the beter and my life has changed so much. I still have my rough times..but its almost nothing like my childhood..ill never forget how my dad treated me. I was shit to him. I was simply nothing. I will never forget it and He will never se the smile on my face again that was taken away from me the day I was born.

Die hard fan of Disturbed... Disapointed because Disturbed is not coming to Montreal so far and WarnerBros does not allow canadian fans to buy the Limited Special Edition Copy online !!! What a shank !!! Sniff Sniff ....